WiP #08: Tell better stories

Tell me, which story is better?

Story 1:

A man goes to a club on Arcola Street in Dalston.

There's a super long line and so the man waits for 30 minutes to try and get in this club.

As he is waiting he noticed a girl in a pretty yellow dress that pushes to the front of the line and walks straight into the club.

The man frustrated, stands for another 10 minutes until he gets to the front of the line.

At the front of the line, the bouncer decides he is not coming in because he's wearing an all-black outfit.

The man argues with the bouncer and says that all-black is fashionable these days.

The bouncer disagrees and tells the man he is not coming in.

The man shouts f*** you guys and walks off.

The end.

Story 2:

A British man lands in New York, and heads straight to the bars because he wants to meet an American girl.

The first bar rejects him because his outfit isn't cool enough so he heads to the next bar.

He's accepted at the door of the next bar because they find his British accent funny.

Thinking his British accent is now cool, he starts chatting to a lady at the bar.

Her boyfriend then comes over, and says 'F off Harry Potter, go and drink some tea'.

Sad at his luck so far, the man sits alone at the bar.

A lady in a yellow dress starts to speak to him, they have a good conversation but it's loud so they decide to go to another quieter bar to speak.

On the way there, two gangsters in all-yellow tracksuits run over and shout at the man to give over his phone and wallet.

It turns out the yellow dress was a gang symbol.

The end.

Okay, so the second one is rather exaggerated but I'm sure you'd agree it's a more interesting story.

And they both have a similar word-count.

Here's the lesson:

1. What's the truth?

In every story, whether that be an ad, a TikTok or a movie - there is a truth. Every aspect of the story should reflect the truth you are trying to tell.

In Story 1 - there is no truth. Nothing underpins the story - the only truth there is about bouncers being harsh and that there are long queues for bars in London.

Those truths do not make for interesting stories.

In Story 2 - there is truth. I'm playing with the idea that British people think and hope that Americans will find them and their accents interesting. It's also a classic tale of trying to find love on holiday/ in a new city.

We've seen these truths before, they lead to endless storytelling possibilities.

2. Where are the turns?

To make stories interesting, you have to have turns/twists and they can't be predictable.

In Story 1 - There is 1 turn. The turn is when the bouncer decides the man cannot enter the club. It's also at that turn, the story ends. All of those words and description of events, only to tell a story about a Man not getting into a club. BORING.

In Story 2 - There are 6 turns. Notice how in one sentence I talk about getting rejected from a bar. It's not super interesting or helpful to the bigger picture of the story, so we do not go into detail there. The whole of the second story is turn after turn. You do not know how the story is going to end. INTERESTING.

3. What details do you leave and why?

In a story, you are constantly giving information. But you should only be giving details which will be important later and/or connect the story to your truth. 

In Story 1 - There are details for no reason. I tell you the street where the man is queuing for the club. It's of no relevance. I also point out the lady in a yellow dress, but the dress does not feature again in the story so again it is pointless details.

In Story 2 - Remember the truth is about a British man going to the bar in New York, hoping people will be attracted to him because of his accent. It paints the picture of a naive character. I leave details in the story about his accent and the man's emotions are played with; one bar rejects him, one accepts him because of his accent, a lady's boyfriend calls him Harry Potter. Finally, he meets a lady in a yellow dress who he thinks might be in to him.

I provide the detail of the yellow dress because the detail is crucial, the dress is yellow because it's the symbolic colour of the gang she belongs in.

4. How do you fight boredom?

You are always fighting boredom. Have this in mind whenever you are telling stories in any format. 

Make your stories interesting through turns, and you make them emotional through truth.

When stories lack truth and turns but have tons of needless details, YOU WILL BORE PEOPLE.

I have taken this storytelling lesson from a podcast I produced for the creative recruitment agency; UNKNOWN.

The credit goss to Ray Smiling, who is a Brooklyn-based Creative Director and Film Director. 

It was an absolute pleasure to be a part of this podcast, and it is one of my favourite ever podcasts I've listened to.

Watch it here:

For other ways to listen to untalented by UNKNOWN, access here:

CREATIVE CHALLENGE

This week's creative challenge is to write two stories using the following story prompt:

Bored teenaged wizards throwing a graduation celebration.

Let's practice

Tell the same story twice, but purposely make it boring in Story 1.

Only to write the story again, using the rules & tips I provided you with.

Just as I did, write a Story 1 and a Story 2.

Good luck!

Share with me.

How did you find this challenge? Let me know how you got on via e-mail at [email protected]

Good luck and look out for the next activity this time next week.